Wednesday, 17 March 2021

The Gift by Author Kurt Chambers


I was given a gift from God. Straight up! Directly from God, bosh! Have this gift. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. When I say amazing, I mean so profoundly, unimaginably, gobsmackingly amazing, you could have never imagined this in your wildest of wild dreams. 

The thing was though, I didn't even want it. "This is rubbish! What were you even thinking? For real? This?"

God just shrugged with a stupid grin on his face.

"What am I even going to do with it?"

God was still grinning. "I dunno. Whatever you like. But it's yours now."

Man! I've been proper lumbered with this, I don't believe it. It's not like I even ask for it. And this gift turned out to be a proper pain in the backside. It was such an effort, and everything that could go wrong, went wrong. What a nightmare and all because of this stupid gift.

If I tell the truth, we kind of fell out over it. Well, I fell out with God, he just ignored me. Thanks for that. Curse me with this gift and then act like you don't know what I'm talking about. It all got out of hand. I said some things. You know how it goes, and that was that.

This went on for years. Every time things went tits-up I was like, "Yeah, thanks for that! Nice one. You're the funniest person you know, even though you're not even a person. Or funny!"

I probably spent over forty years of my life doing this and things went from bad to worse until they became pretty unmanageable. I mean proper messed up stuff. Things nightmares are made of but I wasn't asleep.

I think at about this point, God realised he had probably underestimated just how stupid a person can really be. "Just have another look at the gift. What harm can it do?"

"Are you having a laugh?"

"No, seriously. I don't mean to be blunt, but stop being a dick about it. Look at it this way round. I'll give you a few pointers."

And hats off to God, he did start giving me some pointers once I got over the bee in my bonnet, and, well, stopped being such a dick. It took me like forever to get my head around it, but slowly I started to see some plus points about this gift. In fact, it came in proper handy on lots of occasions until eventually, I couldn't do without it, I won't lie.

That's when everything changed. Looking back now, I can't even believe I was so unbelievably stupid. I literally couldn't even see how profoundly, unimaginably, gobsmackingly amazing this gift was even though it was right in front of my face all the time. God knew how stupid I was, but never really made a deal about it. We are best mates again now. 

When I realised what God had given me, I was just utterly speechless. I cried a lot. I couldn't say sorry enough! I didn't feel worthy of such a profound gift. My gratitude overwhelmed me. If I could have just seen this right from the start, I would have saved myself so much pain and heartbreak. Man! I am almost furious with myself.

God found this seriously amusing. "Don't be so hard on yourself. If you hadn't been such an idiot, you wouldn't have appreciated my gift as much as you do now."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am, I'm God, stupid."

Oh, how we laughed!

How lucky am I to have been given such an amazing gift from God? 

My gift God gave me was life.

Sunday, 12 July 2020

Teacher's Information Guide for The World in Johnny's Back Garden

I am excited to announce my brand new Teacher's Information Guide for The World in Johnny's Back Garden. I was inspired to create this free guide after some massively successful author visits to local primary schools. My story created such a buzz in the schools with the pupils and the teachers. It was an amazing and humbling experience. This guide also allowed me to go into much more detail about the events, issues and factual information that I could only touch upon in the story itself.

Free Guide

The idea for this guide is it can be used by parents or teacher's for homeschooling or in a classroom environment. It can also be used to review the contents of the story to see if this is something you or your kids would loved to read. You can even just use it for something really interesting to read without even downloading the book.

I created a free PDF version of this guide for you to view online or download for printing. Please click on the icon below.

This guide will also be available for free on Smashwords in various formats and in all other leading bookstores.

Did you know?

I recently became aware that not everyone knows that it is possible to put a PDF file on your Kindle to read like an ebook. It is quite an easy three step process. 

Step 1: Simply plug your Kindle into your computer and then open the files on Windows Explorer.

Step 2: Find the folder that contains all your book folders. Make a new folder and name it the same as the book title.

Step 3: Copy your PDF file and Paste it into your newly named folder then disconnect your Kindle safely from your computer and reboot it.

The World in Johnny's Back Garden

Authors Links

Tuesday, 9 June 2020

My First Image Gallery by Author Kurt Chambers

This week I have been playing with a new toy my wife brought for me as a present. I have always had a basic phone with a rubbish camera. I have no need for anything fancy, I use my phone as a phone, funny enough. Most of everything else I do on my computer. My present came in the form of a set of lenses that attach to my phone. There were lots of different ones, but the one that impressed me the most was the macro lens.

I was sceptical at first, but after a little play I found that it made it possible to take some amazing photos even with my rubbish phone. So my first photo gallery is born. Exciting stuff, eh! I am so very blessed to have a beautiful back garden. We work very hard to keep it nice and I'm always taking pictures of it. But there is SO much stuff that is equally beautiful that you never really see. With my macro lens in hand I set out to change that with this stunning gallery of tiny things. 

Click on picture to enlarge...

Wednesday, 3 June 2020

My Beautiful Tree by author Kurt Chambers

As far back as I can remember, I have always had green fingers. I could plant anything and it would grow. I don't know why, plants just seem to like me. When I was little, about eight-years-old, I found one of those helicopters that you get from a Sycamore tree. Growing out of the bottom was a tiny little root. I found it amazing. Was this what you grow a tree from, I thought? Bear in mind I was only eight.

Full of excitement, I rushed home to my mum to show her what I'd found. She didn't seem as excited as me, and questioned me on where I had found it. "It was in front of the police houses, under one of the miniature trees on the green," I explained.

It was at that point a great idea popped into my head. "Can I plant it? In the garden?"

By the look on her face, it didn't seem like the best suggestion I had ever made, but surprisingly, agreed I could plant it in the corner by the back fence seeing it was only a miniature. How exciting. I went straight outside and found a place to plant my new tree. I stuck it in the mud and poured some water on it. How hard could it be?

For the first few days or so I went out and watered my helicopter, eagerly awaiting for my tree to grow. Being eight, I had absolutely no concept of how long this would take, but I was determined to see it through. And being eight also meant that it wasn't long before I completely forgot about it.

How much time passed I have no idea, but some time later I discovered that my tree was thriving. It wasn't a helicopter any more, it was a tree! A proper tree, perfectly formed and about a foot high. It was the most exciting thing I had ever seen. I started to take really good care of it, clearing the weeds and watering it every day.

My beautiful tree grew and grew at an alarming rate, like Jack and the Beanstalk. It soon became apparent it was not a miniature as we first thought. It must have blown onto the green from the woods. But it was spectacular! It was the greatest thing I had ever done. I loved my tree.

Unfortunately, everyone else, namely all the neighbours, hated my tree. It became their nemesis. It made a mess of their gardens and its roots were digging up the all the fences. But by this time it was too late. By the time I was a teenager, my tree had grown bigger than the house. I loved walking down my road in the summer and seeing the massive canopy of leaves towering over everything in the street.

My tree lived a long and happy life in my mum's garden. When she came to selling the house I was in my thirties with children of my own. That's when I did the most amazing thing. I went into the garden and climbed my tree all the way to the top. That might not seem amazing to you, but to me, I can remember that tree when it was just a helicopter and I had grown it to full size and then climbed it in my lifetime. That is quite amazing.

Sadly, the new owners of the house cut my tree down. It's no longer with us, but it did get to live all the way through my childhood and all the way to when I had children myself. That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't have stumbled upon that helicopter that day.

These days, I have an even bigger tree in my garden. It is massive. I can't even fit my arms half way around the trunk. And I love it. I'm pretty sure it was fate. It is not hard to see where I got my inspiration to write, The World in Johnny's Back Garden, where a tree is the hero of the story.

Thanks, Mum. You were and always will be an absolute legend. XXX