Sunday, 12 December 2010

'Twas The Night Before Christmas--Kurt Chambers

With Christmas just around the corner, I thought I would do a Christmas post. What better than the classic poem, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. It would be a bit boring just posting the original poem, so I'm going to post my version. This was my winning entry for the Young Adult Novel Workshop Christmas poem contest where we had to rewrite the poem using the characters from our forum. I based it on my dear friend, Mireyah, who was under suspicion for being a puppy killer at the time. Sorry, Mireyah, the rumours will haunt you forever :D

'Twas The Night Before Christmas -- YA Style

'Twas the night before Christmas, on
and Mireyah was struggling to get a review done.
Dead puppies were hung by the chimney with string,
she knew this year she wouldn't get anything.

Where most children were nestled all snug in a bed,
she was determined to get her book out of the red.
I know that Santa won't be coming around here,
so I can do what I want, I'm gonna party with beer.

Then out on the roof there arose such a rumble,
she staggered over beer cans and almost took a tumble.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
tore open the curtains, and threw up on the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
lit up the amazing sight from below.
All here friends from the forum had come to give cheer,
in a miniature sleigh and eight stolen reindeer.

With a dodgy old driver, so handsome and quick,
she new in a moment they were going to get nicked.
They mounted the sidewalk, and through her fence they all came,
Mireyah whistled and shouted and called them by name:

"Now Dusk! Now Ralene!
Now, Hailey and Airdale!
On, Jay! On, Email!
On, Tamara! On, GG!
On, Dragon, and the rest who are there!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the fence!
Now dash away! Dash away!
And pick up all that mess!

She thought they were loonies, I know they can't fly,
if they don't slow down, they're all going to die.
But as if by magic, the sleigh then took flight,
and Mireyah ducked as it began to gain height.

And then, in a twinkle, she heard on the tiles,
a mighty crash that could be heard for ten miles.
As Mireyah drew in her head and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Kurt, and he came with a crowd.

He was dressed all in fur, and he held up his palm.
Don't shoot, I'm not a puppy, I mean you no harm.
A bundle of goodies he had flung on his back,
he looked like an Englishman just carrying a sack.

His eyes--were all bloodshot! His dimples were quite bad!
With cheeks like potatoes, and a nose like a hag!
The drool round his mouth, hung down like a bow,
and Mireyah felt the urge to ask them to go.
With a bottle in hand, he gave a sly grin,
then ask in a stupor, "Do'y mind if we come in?"
He had a wrinkled face and a round little belly,
and GirlsNGlasses thought he was quite smelly.

Not chubby or plump, but a jolly old man,
he kicked off the party the best way he can.
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
he started a food-fight right on top of her bed.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
pretending to fill stockings, he turned with a smirk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving a nod, up the chimney they all rose.

They mounted the sleigh, and the team were quite rude,
making obscene gestures, and throwing around food.
But she heard Kurt exclaim, as they rose to the heavens,
"Happy Christmas, dear Mireyah, we've nicked all your presents!"

Truth Teller by Kurt Chambers

How can ten-year-old Charlotte ever envisage that magic really exists? The place for other realms belongs in a child’s fairy tale. Or so she thinks, until she discovers the strange shopkeeper and begins an adventure that changes her life forever.
Discovered alone in a far away forest, Charlotte embarks on a journey encountering heart-stopping dangers and real life monsters, but a far greater threat shadows her every move. Even the strength and skill of her new companions cannot protect her against a ruthless druid assassin.
But in this realm, Charlotte is not the vulnerable little girl she thought she was.

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  1. Love it!

    That was so funny!

    Well done, Kurt :)

  2. Hahahaha!!! It made me laugh when I first read it, and it still does. My favorite lines:

    Dead puppies were hung by the chimney with string,
    she knew this year she wouldn't get anything.

    Poor Mireyah! These rumors will haunt her forever. Haha!! So funny!

  3. :) Thank you, Wendy. It was good fun to write. I'm hoping Mireyah comes in to make a comment if she's still talking to me haha!!

  4. As long as *I* know the truth, the rumors don't bother me. So nyah.

  5. Does the truth make you feel guilty, Mireyah? :P

    HA! Thanks for posting the poem again, Kurt, I got a good laugh.

  6. Yay! A guest appearance by the lady herself :) Hi Mireyah! Thanks for stopping by! I don't write poems for just anyone, you know :)

  7. haha!! Hi Ralene! Good luck with the move, you lucky girl.